NFL PICKS OF DOOM

Oh yeah, there are games tomorrow. Stupid Thanksgiving. Let's get them all out of the way now.

First, last week: I followed my 13-3 Week Eleven performance with a less than great 6-10. SIX AND TEN!!!!! I blame this on someone other than myself. I'm taking charge this week, and will be undefeated. Hopefully. I need it.

- There really isn't a lot of debate to be had here, since if Detroit leads the game at the end of four quarters, the Lions coach will ask that more time be put on the clock so that his defense can try to hold New England's offense from scoring. Your winner: flip a coin. Heads it's the Patriots, tails it's the Patroits.

- They're actually going to play this one? I guess Spurrier gets another win. Your winner: Skins beat the R ms (they're under .500, so the joke is back, unfortunately,) so now I pick them to win every game the rest of the season.

- Ah, Sunday games. And an easy pick. Your winner: The Chiefs lost to the Seahawks Sunday? The hell? They'll redeem themselves.

- Don't mess with Vick. Your winner: Something tells me Daunte's Inferno will mess with Vick. And survive. With a win. Just a feeling.

- This game is sad. Your winner: Dr. Z [/weekly Dr. Z reference] is going with the Bengals. This tempts me. Instead, I send myself into shock by picking Balmer for a second straight week.

- And the crap just keeps rolling along. Seriously, is ESPN telecasting any NBA games Sunday afternoon? Because Miami at Cleveland or some mediocre contest like that could beat half these NFL games in the ratings. Your winner: The Cleveland Browns, and anyone who turns off Fox.

- Ah, now this is better. Sort of. Note to the Bears: while Mike Sherman may have made a bit of a misjudgment in publicly scolding Warren Sapp, he does know how to handle coin flips. Your winner: Brett will not be denied three straight weeks; Green Bay breaks out the Champaign. Peter dies from overdose of corny town name puns.

- Oooh, very interesting. But foul. Your winner: Laugh-In references, and the Miami Dolphins.

- Maddox or Stewart. Stewart or Maddox. Who cares, it's the Jaguars? Your winner: Maddox or Stewart. Stewart or Maddox.

- Haha, right. Your winner: I will never pick the Giants to win a game again.

- This easily redeems all the crappy games we went through earlier. Lucky CBS. Seriously, I have no clue here. Both were demoralized last week, the Broncos by a couple of great kicks by Indy and the Chargers by pretty much all of Miami. San Diego's last sad performance was followed by a nice rebound against San Fran, though, and I think they'll follow suit at home. Your winner: The Chargers, and everyone watching this game.

- No. Your winner: 54 yards, 51 yards. Enough said.

- Hey, another bye week for the Niners. Your winner: Not Seattle.

- So, is Daily News writer Bill Conlin still waggling his lips? Last January they beat the Eagles in the NFC Championship, his party line out of the [irony] City of Brotherly Love [/irony] was that had the game been played at the Vet instead of the newly-named Edward Jones Dome, Philly would have won. Of course, the two teams played a game earlier that season at the Vet...and St. Louis won that one, too. Your winner: I hate Philly. Luckily they won't win this ballgame anymore than they won the last two against Mound City.

- Saints, I know not what to think here. Oh, I think you'll lose. But do I wish it? The Roms best chance of a postseason berth (and I think the possibility of that happening is equal to my and Lauren Graham's upcoming December marriage that she knows nothing of yet) is the Saints collapsing, which they've started to do. But I despise Tampa Bay with a passion, more so than any other NFL team. Decisions, decisions. Your winner: The Bucs, of course, but I want to be wrong here.

- What? This game is like two weeks away or something. (This is Wednesday, Peter. The game is Monday. It's not THAT far away.) Close enough. Your winner: the Gregorian calendar, and the Oakland Raiders.